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Have you ever felt like someone is mad at you even if you haven't done anything that would even come close to upsetting them? I'm pretty sure we all have and it is not a great feeling. In fact, it makes me feel self-conscious and scared that I may have harmed our relationship. It creates a view of myself that I hate and despise. It makes me small and unwilling to accept that the person may have other things going on in their life other than me "screwing" it up.
This is normal, we are human.
So, why do we feel like this, and is there a way to combat this?
Tip #1 - Run away
Do not actually run away, just give them space. This is the number one tip I will give because I feel that it is the most unrealistic thing for us to think of or do. People who are going through tough times and outwardly show it, most of the time just need space. It is hard for most of us to accept this because we want to know if we can do anything to make them feel okay or even better if we are the problem ourselves. Let them come to you.
Tip #2 - Attribute of the self-absorbed
You are probably not the problem and I am not saying we are all self-absorbed. Everyone lives a different life and there are hundreds of millions of things that could be going on inside others' minds. It is our mind that is the problem here. We live to please or become accepted by society so that we fit in. When someone approaches you with uncertainty or negativity it throws us off our game. Just breathe, offer support, and go about your day.
Tip #3 - Let them know you are there
This is so important and often missed if you have an awkward way of dealing with other people's emotions. Letting them know that IF they need anything and WHEN they are READY they are able to come to you at any time. Sometimes people really do want help or they need time to process and then seek assistance. By letting them know you are there for them gives them a sense of feeling wanted and loved.
Tip #4 - Do not overdo it
Let's say your friend comes home after their last soccer game and in the back of their mind they are super upset they didn't make nationals. You approach them with a "hello" and your usual hug, but they say nothing, walk into their room, and slam the door. My first reaction would be...
"Oh no, did I do something to hurt them?"
No, they are literally just going through something super big in their life that has NOTHING to do with YOU. There are two scenarios for you to play out. You either go and see what's wrong and they say they just need space (and you give it to them.) Or, you see what's wrong, they say they need space, and you internalize that by thinking you did something wrong and keep asking them.
By then, you probably are the problem, hehe.
Definition of a "people-pleaser:"
"someone who cares a lot about whether other people like them and always wants others to approve of his or her actions"
Are you a "people-pleaser?"
Yes
No, not really
Nope I am not at all
Tip #5 - If there is a thought of...
If there is a thought in your mind that someone is having suicidal thoughts or may have a plan to harm themselves this is where you NEED to intervene. When I say "give them space," I don't mean "give them space if you have a suspicion of suicidal ideation." This is a whole different ball game and you need to give support, stay with them, and if need be, notify.
To receive help/assistance:
Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988
Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish
You will get through this
It may be hard to let someone feel their feelings, but it is needed in order to give them time to heal from what they may be going through. You can also think of yourself in their shoes. Just know that most humans feel the need to know what is wrong and to try and fix whatever needs fixing. However, it's not always that simple, and most of the time you will not be the one who can truly help.
Being there for whomever it is, is the best way to show love and acceptance to others. It doesn't have to be being there physically at every moment but let them know that you are thinking of them and you are there whenever they may need you.
I feel this with everyone I interact with. It is a feeling of insecurity around others. I think it has to do with my social anxiety in general, but the "run away" part makes a lot of sense.