.png)
Author: Abigail F.
It is a trait we all have whether we like it or not. First, just know that you are not the only one who may be feeling jealous of a certain someone or situation and second, it is totally... normal.
A lot of us feel as though it is entirely bad to feel or emote that we are jealous. The thoughts of insecurity and fear over the lack of possessing something or someone that another has is what society has taught us over the years. What we have is and will never be enough. It creates a status that we are not able to achieve and therefore we are almost angry that the other has what we do not.
In this case for me, it is a person. I do not have a person who chooses me every day in a romantic and loving way. I have had problems with relationships because of my past, however, this is a want of mine to have someone to share memories with, a partner.
When I look at the bigger picture I have as they say "bigger fish to fry." I don't need to be loved by someone in a romantic way, I have people who love me just the way I am all around me. I feel wrong for having this anger pent up when I see people close to me constantly in relationships, whether one after another or consistent. Again, I know you may be saying... this is not a big deal at all and I should get over myself.
I guess my whole point in writing this blog post is that I want people to know that it is okay to desire what you do not have and you are not a bad person for feeling that way. In fact it is a really good thing that you have accepted that this is the way you may be feeling in the first place and are trying to figure out what to do about it. No one should feel guilty for a feeling or an emotion. Hopefully, those are thoughts and not actions that have pertained to this situation, even so, you are validated.
Now for the nitty-gritty: how do we deal with it?
Easier said than done as most things are but the first step is already done by you:
Acceptance
You have accepted the fact that this is a situation that has been making you uneasy and you are lacking something that others may have. Totally normal and you are not a bad person. That is why we have the word in the dictionary in the first place.
Reflection
Write down in a journal or on a piece of paper these questions and answer them when you are alone and in a quiet working zone:
1. "Why are you feeling this way?"
2. "What is the root cause of the emotional threat you feel and how do you choose to react to it?"
3. "Is your reaction more mental or do you act differently around said people/situations?"
4. "What are three other emotions I feel when I think of this situation?"
Identify what you can change... then make it
This is the hardest part for me because it is the most uncomfortable step in this process of dealing with how you feel. Change does not mean you have to go find someone or something to make you feel "less" jealous. You will only feel like you need more because that is how society has trained us to be.
Have compassion for yourself and know you are only human and we are not perfect whatsoever. Most of us don't have that innate filter to let the unwanted emotions just fall through and forget. We have to make a habit to switch off the assumption that everything is "great" in someone or in certain situations and know that there are always flaws. The bigger point is that we need to teach ourselves that what we have is okay and we have to stop waiting and searching for what could make us happier.
Stay in the moment
I always try to stay mindful of where I feel certain emotions and what triggers them. It is hard to remind myself when I am feeling down so I put reminders in my phone that automatically send me one in the morning, middle of day, and around bedtime to stay mindful and truly engage with how I may be reacting to a situation, the sensations I may be having and what is the bigger picture that I could not be seeing.
You are worthy
Comparison is really hard to deal with and I would say this is where most of our jealousy lies. Remember that you are worthy of whatever someone else has, but what you have is enough as well. I know from experience the very word "comparison" is a monster that comes out when least expected and can often make us feel what we have will never be sufficient.
Give yourself affirmations, remind yourself what you value, and know that this is a feeling and you are worthy of what others have but may not have it this point in time.
Give it time and as you keep this habit of checking in with yourself and your emotions you will see a difference in the need to compare to others.
Hope you enjoyed this post! If you have any questions, comments, or just have an idea for a post feel free to email or send a chat! Thank you for visiting :)
Comments