How are you...actually?

"How are you?" is spoken to you as you walk up to the cash register. "Good, thank you." you say, as you unconsciously take your wallet out to pay.

This is literally what you say every time, am I right? Or am I right? I'm just saying.

I feel as if this is always the answer I get from everyone I ask this mundane question we pretty much as everyone to start up a conversation with one another. I know for a fact people who just go with the answer "good," are not usually good. In fact, usually the person asking usually doesn't even really care how you are doing and the person to whom they ask is dishonest on how they are actually feeling.

In fact, there have even been studies on this concept. An article was posted in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, conducted by two Harvard researchers on question asking.

This study focused on dating specifically and found that the people who asked more questions were better liked by their partners. When people are instructed to ask more questions, they were more compelled to interact and open up. They found that responsiveness explains the effect of question-asking on liking.

Okay, this shows asking interesting questions makes and person MORE interested in you...in your conversation...in the idea that someone cares...yes the last one.

This may or may not be an idea, but it is what we lack as society, people who actually give a crap about each-others lives and values. This can be boring at times, but think about when a person actually fullheartedly listens to what you have to say and reciprocates back with valid and authentic thoughts about what you're going through.

This doesn't have to happen all of the time! But try asking a different question like "What was the most positive thing that happened to you so far today?" That way you are still asking them about their day while making them think about a positive aspect to make them happier.

PLUS...I find that I am actually super interested in what a persons most positive thing in their lives because everyone lives a DIFFERENT one and each are unique and beautiful in there own way.

Do you say "good" when someone asks you "How are you?" -- even though you feel like the world is ending?

• Yes...
• No way, I am so good at expressing my emotions
• I don't even realize

You can also ask the person the boring question of "How are you?" Then, follow up with "Are you actually good?" This gives them an opportunity to answer honestly if they wish to. No forcing here :)

Last bit before this hits you too deep, lol. DO NOT PUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ON THE LINE FOR ANYTHING. Meaning, if you are really not able to listen to other peoples obstacles in life and can barely be present for yourself you need to step back and let making others feel validated take the back seat.

You matter even more in this scenario because you are the driver. If you steer the car wrong and crash yourself into a million pieces (just for effect), how do you expect to help the other person?

Just a couple thoughts from selfloveology specialist, abby :)

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